Dear local movie theater,
I arrived at your business tonight along with many others, psyched and excited to see an advance screening of the new batman movie The Dark Knight. Upon arriving at your front door, however, a manager in the process of locking up notified us that, in fact, the 12:15 AM Thursday time slated on our tickets really meant 12:15 AM Friday morning, because, and I quote, "when the clock strikes twelve on Thursday, for you it becomes Friday, but for us it's still Thursday."
Ohhhhh, that's right. Of course! Why do I keep forgetting that movie theaters operate on a different plane of existence than everybody else and therefore are exempt from the processes and functions of time? Silly me. You see, for us, in this realm of existence AKA reality, when the clock strikes midnight, Wednesday actually becomes Thursday, and it's no longer night (although it's still very dark outside, don't be fooled!), but in fact, morning. However, for movie theaters, when the clock strikes midnight, magical time fairies appear and with a wave of their wand create a time portal that teleports the theater and everyone in it to a time 24 hours earlier, and therefore, the date stays the same! So, in the universe where we exist, a 12:15 AM Thursday movie ticket really does mean 12:15 Friday. Gosh! It's so simple!
Okay, seriously now, I don't know if you people who run my local movie theater flunked out of kindergarten or what, but it appears you never learned such basic life skills as the concept of time or fairness ($5 for a soda? Seriously? I hope you choke).
With that said, please schedule and note the proper time and date in the future since it seems you operate in another dimension of reality where time fairies can magically alter the date and time. This can be quite confusing to the average moviegoer such as myself. Thank you.
Please check yourself,
Rizza
P.S. - I hate you, you, and you. I hate you all. I just wanted to see batman.
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