It used to be that when I was having a crappy day, or feeling a little down, I could go home, write and my natural determination and passion in writing would take over.
A little nerdy, I know, but I have to take what I can get -- remember, I'm sober 100% of the time.
The only problem is that my job has begun affecting my writing. Sure enough, last night I was feeling a little down, so I sat down to write. Nothing special, really; just a few paragraphs of ideas running through my head. After jotting down a couple paragraphs, I read it over again and found that my sentence structure, formatting, and vocabulary were all distinctively work-inspired.
This is a disaster, particularly when your employer is a family doctor. I can see it now...
The woman stood in the blustery winds, as a look of great consternation crossed her face. Her breasts were heaving as it was swollen from the benign abscesses that had formed. She knew that she would not be having any fun tonight as she would need to get a PAP as well, for a cyst was now growing on her anterior vaginal fornix.
Don't ask me why my mock writing sample sounds like something out of a trashy romance novel. Must be all the Jude Deveraux books I've been reading.
Moving along...
So as I was cruising MySpace, I came to a realization: 9 out of 10 profiles that I landed on had pictures of people doing something crazy while drunk, doing something crazy while clubbing, or doing something crazy while drunk and clubbing.
Go through any twenty-something female's MySpace pictures and you'll notice that their picture captions sound a little something like this:
"This is us driving to the club. It's interesting because it was taken in the car. While driving. While the vehicle was moving."
"This is us on the dance floor. OMG I look so ugly! Oh, I'm just kidding. I'm just saying that so you can comment on just how hot I REALLY look. Teehee"
"This is me and my girls making drunken silly faces."
"This is me and my girls making drunken, sexy faces."
"This is me straddling some guy, pretending to give him a lapdance and brazenly flaunting my sexuality as a statement of my feminine independence."
"Oh, this one's so funny! This is me humping a pole like a stripper. Later on that day, this guy actually told me to flash him. What a jerk!"
"This is me and my girlfriends posing with attitude. I look fat from that angle."
"This is me and my girlfriends posing with attitude. The same picture, only from a different angle because I don't look like a whale. Because you know, looking like you weight over 80lbs is SO gross!"
"This is me making out with one of my girlfriends -- because these days it's pretty much a requirement for girls to kiss and/or make out to accentuate our sexiness."
"Here's me drunk."
"Here's me drunk again."
"Here's me puking. Haha! I can't believe someone took a picture of me puking! That's totally never been done before!"
And that's just from one night. Not that you need to see any more than that, since pretty much all photos that result from a night at a club are the same as the ones listed above, only on a different night, occasion, or venue.
Sure, you may look back at these pictures a year down the line and say, "Damn, my hair looked stupid," and everyone will have a good laugh.
Then five years down the line, you'll see those pictures again. If you're stupid, you'll think to yourself, "I wish I could be that young and reckless again." But if you're smart, you'll think, "Man, I was a world class idiot."
Then ten years, a marriage, and a few kids later, you may stumble upon those pictures once more.
"Mommy, why are you kissing another girl in that picture?"
"Why is there a piece of string coming out of the back of your pants?"
"Why are your legs wrapped around some guy who isn't Daddy?"
"Who are all these people that you barely speak to anymore since you're too busy wiping my butt?"
And that's just when they're kids. Wait until they're angry teenagers.
"WHY CAN'T I GO OUT AND DRINK WITH MY FRIENDS? YOU DID IT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG! JUST LOOK AT HOW YOU WERE IN THIS PICTURE!"
Yes, I'm targeting my own kind. But I'm just tired of girls in my age group complaining about attracting the wrong sort of attention from the guys at the clubs when they're acting the way they are in that environment.
Let me set everyone straight here: stop with the outrageous clubbing pictures. I mean taking pictures of you and your friends at the club and cheesing about how much fun you're having, is one thing. But taking pictures of you and your friends at the club with one of you half naked, two of you macking out in the background, and a girl in the corner stall puking her stomach out into the toilet, is another thing.
About 4 years ago, I took a picture of a hippo's bum when my aunt & uncle took me to the San Diego zoo. Even that's more interesting and original than all these clubbing pictures.
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